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7/23/06

Dear Kim:

It is odd how I write to you. In terms of temporality, I mean. A fancy pomo word for time.

Although I wish I would write about my day as it happens, more often I find I cannot do that. I need the space of overnight to figure out what the previous day was about.

(Kim: This is what Wordsword meant when he said that "art is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings recalled in tranquility.")

So, here it is Saturday afternoon and I am writing to you about yesterday. Because yesterday was too full of activity and I was too full with it, to talk about it with any real substance.

Despite my fatigue post surgery, which can descend upon me with the sudden and unexpected ferocity of a hail storm, I am reconnecting with my creative self and falling in love again with my work.

This is probably because I have taken on several new projects which throw me into the exciting and slightly terrifying space of the unknown.

Next week, we begin a series of workshops at the Missouri School for the Blind. I will also soon move into the rehearsal space of the script we have created for the St. Louis Federal Reserve Executive Board about sexual orientation and homophobia in the workplace. I am directing two short theatre pieces for adolescent girls for the new COCA teenage theatre ensemble for a showcase that goes up June 9. And I have accepted a commission to create an original dance piece to take place on the Eads Bridge over the Mississippi on June 24.

(Kim: All these projects sound so exciting. Congratulations!)

The confluence of all of this for me personally from a medical point of view is beyond absurd. In part, because this is on top of all my usual work, die general administration, drumming up money through grants and personal cultivation, etc

Yet there is a mystical part of me that feels that because these opportunities have manifest without extreme effort on my part, they are part of a creative flow in which I want and maybe even need to swim. Surgery or no surgery.

Even within an intermittent veil of fatigue, I feel energized by the idea of working with new people and on new ideas. And surgery aside, I wonder if some of my fatigue is sometimes from the energy drain of feeling stuck with the familiar or dealing with the staleness that come from certain kinds of repetition in my work.

One way I am coping with trying to manage this precarious balancing act is to cancel something that is not absolutely essential the moment i find myself getting tired.

I have to go to a party for The DisAbility Project tonight. I didn't realize I am tired until a few minute ago. So I will skip a group meeting about the Mississippi River Project this afternoon in which my presence would be welcomed but not required.

(Kim: We only have so much change in our pockets. When it is gone, it is gone. Best to use it for the important stuff.)

Some people will understand. And some won't. And that is just how it is.

Later,

Joan

Saturday, May 20, 2006

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