The Conversation

Home
11/13/05
11/14/05
11/15/05
11/16/05
11/17/05
11/18/05
11/19/05
11/20/05
11/21/05
11/22/05
11/23/05
11/24/05
11/25/05
11/26/05
11/27/05
11/28/05
11/29/05
11/30/05
12/01/05
12/02/05
12/03/05
12/04/05
12/05/05
12/06/05
12/07/05
12/08/05
12/09/05
12/10/05
12/11/05
12/12/05
12/13/05
12/14/05
12/15/05
12/16/05
12/17/05
12/18/05
12/19/05
12/20/05
12/21/05
12/22/05
12/23/05
12/24/05
12/25/05
12/26/05
12/27/05
12/28/05
12/29/05
12/30/05
12/31/05
1/1/06
1/2/06
1/3/06
1/4/06
1/5/06
1/6/06
1/7/06
1/8/06
1/9/06
1/10/06
1/11/06
1/12/06
1/13/06
1/14/06
1/15/06
1/16/06
1/17/06
1/18/06
1/19/06
1/19/06
1/20/06
1/21/06
1/22/06
1/23/06
1/24/06
1/25/06
1/26/06
1/27/06
1/28/06
1/29/06
1/30/06
1/31/06
2/1/06
2/2/06
2/3/06
2/4/06
2/5/06
2/6/06
2/7/06
2/8/06
2/9/06
2/10/06
2/11/06
2/12/06
2/13/06
2/14/06
2/15/06
2/16/06
2/17/06
2/18/06
2/19/06
2/20/06
2/21/06
2/22/06
2/23/06
2/24/06
2/25/06
2/26/06
2/27/06
2/28/06
3/1/06
3/2/06
3/3/06
3/4/06
3/5/06
3/6/06
3/7/06
3/8/06
3/9/06
3/10/06
3/11/06
3/12/06
3/13/06
3/14/06
3/15/06
3/16/06
3/17/06
3/18/06
3/19/06
3/20/06
3/21/06
3/22/06
3/23/06
3/24/06
3/25/06
3/26/06
3/27/06
3/28/06
3/29/06
3/30/06
5/19/06
5/20/06
5/21/06
5/22/06
5/23/06
5/24/06
5/25/06
5/26/06
5/27/06
5/28/06
5/29/06
5/30/06
5/31/06
6/1/06
6/2/06
6/3/06
6/12/06
6/13/06
7/3/06
7/4/06
7/5/06
7/6/06
7/7/06
7/8/06
7/9/06
7/10/06
7/11/06
7/14/06
7/15/06
7/16/06
7/17/06
7/23/06

Dear Kim:

After all this time, my father continues to puzzle me.

On the phone recently, he asked what I was up to and not wanting to always talk about work, I said that I was looking at a flurry of social activity after months of traveling and deadlines and family stuff. That I was trying to catch up with friends, new and old.

So what kinds of things are you doing, he asked.

I told him about an upcoming brunch and theatre production next weekend that my new friend John has invited me to as part of a party of twenty. I chose this example because I thought he might remember that John and I had hung out and gone to see a play together in New York just a few weeks ago. At the time, I had told my father how generous John has been, inviting me to various functions and how fun it is to make a new friend.

Maybe he’s interested in you, my father said.

He’s gay, I said to my father.

My father didn’t say anything. The silence weighed heavily on the phone.

I am not interested in a gay man, I said. Not that way

Once again, I sensed that familiar feeling of his disappointment in me. Almost as if it would be better for me to be interested in a gay man than in no man. I shook my head at his convoluted logic, feeling frustrated that this well worn ground had inadvertently become our subject.

Now, it didn’t have to be. I could just ignore it. But there is something so stubborn in me that has a hard time with the denial. That has not yet acquiesced to the likelihood that much as we might want it, my parents and I will probably never fully understand or more importantly, accept each other.

So I said, gently, ironically and playfully, “And then there’s me, Dad. Remember me? I’m gay, too.”

My mother who had been listening on the extension said, “Ok, well, we have to go now.”

I told my sister this story when she called. I said, he has told me several times that he is ok with my relationships with women. He knows all about my relationship and breakup with Pseudonym. He knows that I now seeing Potential.

So what what what is the deal?

What?

We both sighed and then she laughed.

Well, he’s 88 years old, she said, but hope springs eternal.

Later,

Joan

Thursday, July 6, 2006