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7/23/06

Dear Kim:

It is Sunday afternoon and I am feeling all socialed out.

It has felt like nonstop activity and dealings with people since last weekend.

I have been to Cleveland and Pennsylvania where I stayed with people I did not know for four nights. I had a lunch with a funder on Tuesday, went to coffees for political candidates on Wednesday and Thursday, to a long planned dinner at the house of friends on Friday and a going away party for my friend Tom Clear on Saturday.

Now Potential and I are supposed to have two of her close friends over for dinner tonight and the prospect has me anxious and in tears.

Somehow, my ambitions always overcedes my capacity, whether it is for work or human contact.

I get impatient with my need for solitude. I want to be more like other people. And other people want to see their friends or family members more often. They desire connection.

I am also aware of how hard it is to find mutual time with many people. Although I was tired on Friday night, I knew that if we did not go to Debbie and Cindy’s for dinner, we would not find a date that worked for the four of us until the end of September.

That strikes me as absurd. It really should not be that hard to find a compatible time.
So I persevered. And I even had a good time.

But the good time happened through a veil of emotional and physical fatigue and today it is catching up with me.

You and I have talked about balance so much. I have yet to achieve it.

How about you?

Later,

Joan

Sunday July 23, 2006