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Opposing Truths

Hi Kim,

Your drawing today is so encouraging: The depiction of two people in a flow of dialogue between them, connecting their truths. After all, how can any communication of real substance take place if people don't speak their truth? The truth as they know it. And maybe, just in the act of speaking their truth, even if they have differences of opinion, they connect.

But there is sadness on my end and a temporary roadblock of sorts.

Two parts of my story: my sister and Pseudonym both object to being written about unless they see what I write. And maybe then they will still object.

And I don't want to write, at least about some things, with that weight of censorship sitting on my shoulder. It is challenging enough to deal with my own issues of self censorship. I censor myself plenty and I am trying to do it less and less.

Laurel and I had an abbreviated and interesting conversation about this and her illness yesterday as I was driving. Yes, I know. cell phone driving. A definite no.

She said, But what is happening is happening to me. It is my experience and it is private. And I said, True in some ways but it is also happening to me. It is my experience of your experience. I am also very much in this picture.

She was unconvinced.

So, I am going to need to figure out some of this.

We can use the website for us to work personally right now as it is much easier than your scanning or faxing the drawings.We are going to have to wait on the website launch until we can talk this through some more together.

I am also thinking that the experiment which we initially conceived `is already morphing and from my perspective, that is OK.

For you to make a drawing and me to respond in some way is in some ways to analyze your drawing but it doesn't really constitute a dialogue. It seems more like a dialogue when you draw, I respond and then you also sometimes write back, too.

Let's talk about privacy. I have raised this question before and would like us to talk some more about it. How do you feel about discussing things that other people think might be private? I think it poses very different issues and risks in a drawing than in a written narrative. But I would like to hear more back from you on this.

(Kim: I was in the GI area at a local hospital, in cubicle 12, waiting for my procedure. I was there for 1/2 hour or more. During that time I heard the complete medical histories of the woman across from me and next to me. There was no information that was private, including a discussion about whether or not she could wear her bra for a . . . I learned how much the women weighed, and the dates and other details of their complete medical history. I even learned the brand of pacemaker one woman had, and how just one part of it was working. And my hearing is not that good.)

I am not sure I have had this problem before. Because although I have often written about events or experiences from my personal life, they have more typically been in the guise of characters in a play or a piece of fiction or a song lyric. So that has had the protective device of being at least one step removed.

I am feeling confused and frustrated about this situation. I want to write in a different way right now in this project with you. Deeply and personally. I don't know what to do.

Have to go to a meeting now that I don't want to attend.

Later,

Joan

November 17, 2005

12:27 PM

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