Dear Kim:

I always see my friend Tom Clear when we have not made a plan. When we would be spontaneously thrilled to see each other.

It usually happens around caffeine.

Yesterday, I was writing away at Starbuck’s in the Central West End when in he walked. The CWE is not his neighborhood and it was a national holiday so what were the chances?

I think he walked in because he had wonderful hot off the presses news and was bursting to share it and I needed to hear it and to bask in his high voltage anything is possible energy.

Tom and I wrote two plays together: “Some of My Best Friends Are . . . “ and “He’s Having Her Baby,” pieces that were pivotal in both of our lives.

Through the intimacy of our working together, we became and have stayed friends for years. We are not friends who spend a lot of time together. Neither of us are wired that way. We are not hanger outers.

But we are dear friends, probably for life.

Friends through his fairly predictable moves from one city to another as he restlessly seeks out what determines a quality life for him. I love his list. So simple and yet hard to find: A Unitarian church where he might be a choir director part time, outstanding public transportation, a thriving and edgy arts scene, a sizeable population of progressive folks who are not too granola. Sometimes this has also included places where he can smoke.

He moved to and from New York City because he was annoyed that he could not smoke there in public places. Then he quit smoking and it became a moot point because he had already moved on.

He has lived in Chattanooga, New Orleans, New York City, Portland, St Louis and probably some place I cannot remember and now is moving to Chicago. He has just been hired by Second City to be a musical director for one of their improv groups.

I am thrilled for him. He will get paid to play the piano and be silly. What could be better?

Some diehards who have shared our social circles have disparaged his restlessness over the years.

Why can’t he settle down?
Why can’t he find a partner?
Why doesn’t he want a partner?

I don’t ask these questions. I don’t think they are relevant. Tom is truly an in the moment guy, pursuant of pleasure and yet highly principled and moral.

He loses interest in romantic engagements very quickly, has a sexuality I have never figured out but as best as I know he has never made promises he cannot keep. And if he wants his life to be about comedy and playing the piano in frequently changing locations, who is to say this is a wrong choice?

I think it is wonderful that he knows who he is and what works for him and that he is not afraid to go after it.

Later,

Joan

Wed., July 5, 2006

Next