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Dear Kim,

The topic is overeating. When do we overeat? Why do we overeat?

The fact that it is the holidays and everywhere you turn, someone is sticking a cheese ball or a sugar cookie in your face is not a reason.

I was actually anorexic as a child. At one point, when I has surgery as an infant on my large intestine, I lost so much weight in the hospital, my mother says my shoes were too big.

I continued in that vein as a little girl, ritualizing and obsessing about two food items: lay's potato chips and Hawaiian punch. At one point, that is all I wanted to eat.

I can still picture myself as a little girl in a dress with short socks and Mary Janes (that is what we called the little strappy shoes I wore), licking my finger to reach the very last of the potato chip crumbs that lay in the crack of the white plastic potato chip bag. I must have been all of seven.

Now I have more weight than I need or want and it is a health issue I must take seriously. It doesn't surprise me that my disorder has flipped in the other direction. That is the nature of obsession.

Here are some of the times that I have identified when I overeat.
When I am too tired. When I am too hungry. When I am angry. When I am upset. When I feel intruded upon and have not maintained boundaries that work for me.

Probably the most important thing I have figured out is that I overeat when I do not take enough time for myself. Then the physical act of easing becomes a way of carving out space for myself. And sugar, specifically, becomes a way of trying to sweeten the deal.

When I was with a guy named Jim in my thirties, trying to be something I was not, with a man who was not right for me, I gained almost 30 pounds.

But I have struggled with my eating long since then.So I can hardly blame him nor should I. And I cannot blame the holidays. They can't defend themselves.

It is my Achilles heel. It may even be my biggest challenge.

Please tell me about yourself. I know you said you had issues around food and eating as a kid. How are you doing with it now?

Later,

Joan

Thursday, Dec 22, 2005

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(Kim: Today the secretaries made a big lunch...and invited me since I had taken them to lunch yesterday. They were proud that they had made a salad that was good for me because it had no animals in it. I said that it was good for the animals too. The meal was well balanced between fat and fat and fat. Luckily I had already had a lunch date. It is amazing how many are sick with obesity related illnesses—pancreatitis, diabetes, etc.

I told a guy in my favorite healthly restaurant the other day that if we fed our cars what we feed ourselves we wouldn't last but a couple of months.

I was given a box of chocolates by one of the dept. chairs. I gave it back to the person and thanked them, and told them to find someone else to give it too. She's going into the hospital soon for work on her intestine. "Hello."

I am absolutely obsessed about food...even went to OA for a year...and have been going to a great nutritionist for a few years. I've been dealing with three health issues successfully...but eating is a daily struggle...especially when good food is not available. I'm absolutely an alcoholic with things like cheese, chips, and sugar. I can only control myself by abstaining completely.)

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